Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
