If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
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I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
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We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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