I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
