Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
