She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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