Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
