while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
