your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
