I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
