i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
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She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
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There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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