standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
