OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
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he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
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I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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