i think my tv is drunk
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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