He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
