I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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