Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
