Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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