So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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