Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
