I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
