I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
