I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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