God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
