I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
