; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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