Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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