I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
