I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
