put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
