tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
