Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
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