I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
