I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
