I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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