Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
