I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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