I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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