i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
