Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
