Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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