And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
