what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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