WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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