She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
