I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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