sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
