So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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