Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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