Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
