I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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