It's like God shit irony all over that family
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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