So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
