What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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