my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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