I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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