My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
