At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
