Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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