Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
