I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
