I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
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To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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