i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
