Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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