Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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