I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Randomize
