Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
