Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I had to cum in my sink.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
