I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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