just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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