I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
