Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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