you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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