I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
