Moan for me like Helen Keller
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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