I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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