someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
