I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
