help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
