You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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