you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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