Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
