I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
