She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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