Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
