My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
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