i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize