Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
