Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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