I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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