things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
