Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
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He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
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I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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