wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
