I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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