honey bunches of taint.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
